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The Wivenhoe Encyclopedia |
Social attitudes Women and men:
at home You had to wash up
and you had to help - top and tail gooseberries, and shell the peas, you
got jobs like that to do. You wouldn’t be sitting around with my
grandmother! No, we all had our jobs to do. Washing up was the one. One of
my aunts she married a Scotsman during the First World War so, of course,
she went up to Scotland to live and it was quite a long time before they
came home. But afterwards they used to come regularly. And she came home
one Christmas, I was married at the time, and we were all there at the
Christmas and my uncle said something about ‘Was there any mustard?’
So Granny said, ‘Ida, get in the mustard.’ So she looked, she said,
‘Oh no, I don’t, Mother,’ she said. ‘He’s got two arms and two
legs and if he doesn’t know where to find that now, in this house,
it’s about time he did.’ She said, ‘You always made us wait on the
boys,’ she said, ‘and I hated it,’ she said. ‘They never had to
wash up.’ And she said, ‘We always did,’ she said, ‘And I’m not
waiting on him!’ And, of course, we laughed so much we didn’t know
what to do! Oh, that was so hilarious! But I often thought about that! And
I know that was the thing with all the families, the girls did wait on
them and they expected it. Domestic help My grandparents
didn’t have live-in help but we always had someone come and do the
washing and the cleaning. Which meant that when I was 17 I wasn’t doing
anything. I used to go for walks. And I had a friend in the Post Office, I
used to meet her every afternoon and go home with her, meet her every
evening at eight o’clock when she finished. But, of course, we didn’t
have a lot going on like they’ve got today. There were dances but I had
to creep out! It was very strict, but I did go. So when I got in of a
night, I used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and listen. If I could
hear him snoring I knew I was safe! I spoke to my grandmother about it and
she said, ‘I don’t mind what you do, as long as you don’t upset your
grandfather.’ And when my auntie married and went to Singapore, when I
was 17, I’d never done my hair. She’d always washed it and done it
every day even when she was in bed not very well. But it isn’t good to
bring children up like that. House-husbanding
in the Eighties In 1981 I was
living in Wivenhoe and had a full-time job as a Humanities teacher. I
stayed in this small two-up/two-down terraced house, which is absolutely
lovely, with a bit of garden on the side. Originally it was a piece of
British Rail land which they rented to me, and I was a vegan so I grew all
my vegetables and used to have a scarecrow, and the local village children
used to come down from Millfields School to make stories up about the
scarecrow because it was a female scarecrow! We brewed beer and we did
everything naturally. And I had a daughter, one daughter, in 1981, and my
partner then raised her. So for six years he was one of the only two men
in Wivenhoe who took the total child-rearing job – and I knew that from
the health visitors. None of us
worked None of us worked.
My granddad didn’t believe in it. I wanted to train for a teacher. All
my friends were teachers – Etta (Mrs Dan), Mrs Ellis – they were all
teachers, and the boys and all, you were all flocked together, and I
wanted to be a teacher. She said, ‘You won’t like it. I didn’t.’
And my granddad had an older brother who said, ‘Why don’t you let
Hilda go into a shop? My granddaughter’s gone to a shop and she likes
it.’ He said, ‘No. I had four daughters and they didn’t go out to
work, and she’s not going.’ When I left school
I did nothing for a little while. I just stayed with Grandma. It’s a
pity but that’s how things were in those days. My granddad was that sort
of man. He thought you ought to be able to make a dumpling, and sew a
button on a man’s shirt, and you were all right! Women and men:
at work I came to
Colchester because I liked Colchester very much, and also Wivenhoe, and so
that’s how I came to Wivenhoe. But in the meantime I’d got a job with
Barratts, selling houses, I’d seen them advertise, and the first thing I
did when I phoned up was spoke to the Director, ‘Do you have women?’
because every time I’d tried to get a job I was told they didn’t have
women – as though we’re some kind of monkey! I suppose it was just
before the Eighties. So I then worked for Barratts. They were very hard
bosses but they were very fair and very good, and when you did well they
were really good to you. And I worked for them for five years. Accepting gayness I think the reaction of Wivenhoe to gayness has always been very positive since I’ve been here - which is 30 years – and I think that’s just got easier and easier. I’ve ever had one incident in my entire time in Wivenhoe, of being called a ‘queer.’ What goes on behind my back may be another matter. But that’s my experience. So it’s a very easy environment for gay people to live in. That's contrary to all the books, which say, ‘Escape to the city where you’ll be safe. Don’t stay in a village.’ There's not a big gay community here as such, but I am saying that quite a number live here, and quite easily.
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